his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
