I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize