That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
