I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
