Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
