When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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