My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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