so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
