You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
