I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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