lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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