Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
