Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore