I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize