If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.