you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."