I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you win again, gameday.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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