i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
