Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
