i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
