Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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