Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
