Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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