I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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