I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Randomize
