its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
