you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
