i don't like sucking hair
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
