so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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