you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize