I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
