You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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