dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
