i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize