just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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