It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
