I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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