Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
