Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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