zippers are such a cool invention
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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