The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
