I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize