If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
