if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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