walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
