the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
