I could have mohawked her pubes.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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