my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize