I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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