I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
