Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
