I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
