I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
