capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
