So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
