____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
