OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
