What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would fuck him just for his dog
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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