we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
