someone owes me an orgasm
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
