Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk is not a location!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
