Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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