too bad you live with your parents still
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
