i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize