If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize