sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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