reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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