I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
