how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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