This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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