A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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