theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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