Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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