So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
