Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we're so committed to being not committed
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