So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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