i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
