Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
