I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
