Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's rum buckets o'clock
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
