And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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