i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
