You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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