My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
