we have pet lesbian snakes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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