This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
